Each month I take a trip to one of my favourite places – my therapist’s rooms. I know it’s not socially acceptable to talk about, but I made a commitment to myself at the beginning of the year to add this to my regular health routine. With the work I do and the life I lead, I need a regular safe space where I can share my inner thoughts, examine hidden emotions and give space to concerns. Like a personal trainer needs to stay fit, a counsellor needs to stay self-aware so they can be an unbiased sounding board for others (notice I didn’t say perfect here).
It’s a vulnerable space to be in, and so the relationship with my therapist requires great trust, and equality of power so that it works. I trust my therapist implicitly to do the nice stuff; keep my confidences, offer a place of care and to hold my hand while I walk through deep places. I also trust her to offer a true mirror; one I cannot shy away from. Sometimes what she reflects is hard to face – mistakes I make, behaviours driven from old pain, or when ego gets the better of me. Other times, what she holds for me I find hard to accept – the beauty and uniqueness of who I am and what I have to offer.
So if it’s hard why do I do it? I’ll let Brene Brown explain… “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”
I say “YES!” to all that, and to being the best person I can be. Taking time and space to look deeply within gives me that gift. It takes every ounce of courage I can muster to be vulnerable, to show up and be accountable. It builds resilience to share shameful stories or guilty secrets and still be seen as someone of worth. And, just like going to the gym, the more I work the muscles of self-acceptance and self-confidence, the stronger they become. Not in a hard, harsh way, but a gentle yet firm “Here I am” style. This is a place of freedom, where I get to make the choices and not give it over to the fears and worries in my head.
As the Sun has travelled through Libra recently, we’ve all had a chance to focus on relationships and connections, to understand more about ourselves through others and how we respond to them. The Sun is now approaching deeply honest Pluto, who is shining his “no bull%*#t” torch into our souls to see what we’ve learned. Power dynamics are up for examination, secrets are coming to light, and our self of self may feel compromised. If issues do arise, perhaps it’s worth taking a step back and questioning yourself to see if ego or authentic self is at the wheel. Or questioning the motives to others to see if they are on your side, or against you. Like a cosmic therapist’s couch, perhaps it’s time to surrender control, be vulnerable and accept imperfections – of course only with those who deserve your trust!